Disarm...

Billy Corgan explains (partially) "Disarm" -- link to video

He gets a lot closer to the heart of it in this 1993 interview: Billy Corgan RAGE music program interview .

BILLY: “The reason I wrote Disarm was because, I didn't have the guts to kill my parents, so I thought I'd get back at them through song. And rather than have an angry, angry, angry violent song I'd thought I'd write something beautiful and make them realize what tender feelings I have in my heart, and make them feel really bad for treating me like shit.”

He's spoken openly other times as well about what it means to be an abused child and the anger and shame that causes.

Cut that little child
Inside of me and such a part of you

If you hold on to that anger and turn it outwards, you are, in effect, an angry person yourself and continue the cycle of abuse.

If you internalize that anger and shame and keep hating yourself -- you become "the killer in me" (Billy's made several suicide attempts). Or...... you can learn to let it go -- you can "disarm" yourself. Easier said than done, of course... but it CAN be done. 

I used to be a little boy
So old in my shoes
And what i choose is my choice
What's a boy supposed to do?

Billly Corgan's sort of a famously angry guy and has burnt through more than a few relationships. But, he's also a very smart guy and can be painfully sweet... amazing how he's used that pain and anger to create some of the most heartbreakingly beautiful music of all time.  

Disarm
Disarm you with a smile
And cut you like you want me to
Cut that little child
Inside of me and such a part of you
Ooh, the years burn

I used to be a little boy
So old in my shoes
And what i choose is my choice
What's a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you
My love
I send this smile over to you

Disarm you with a smile
And leave you like they left me here
To wither in denial
The bitterness of one who's left alone
Ooh, the years burn
Ooh, the years burn, burn, burn

I used to be a little boy
So old in my shoes
And what I choose is my voice
What's a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you
My love
I send this smile over to you

The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you
The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you
The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you